It has come to my attention that I, Diana Johns, A member of these United states, can seriously not deal with long distance relationships. Its not just with boyfriend relationships. It is with anyone who i feel i need to be close with 24/7.
growing up i felt like hey!, they are always gone who cares! or i have lived without other people this is going to be fine! but nope. with some people i just can't. I start doing what i always do when i really miss someone.
I get angry.. (big shock.)
Every little thing they do i hate! even if i am doing it to! I just nit pick every little thing about everything they say and to me? thats not okay because if i am not right in your face then i have a chance to run away. i literally just push the button and i can hide.. great diana. really just such a great problem solver..
Its not that i don't love them and i don't want to continue the conversation but if i feel bad about one thing it just snow balls until i feel like everything you are doing is a personal attack and that you hate me and ugh! Its bad.
But on the other hand..
with the people it happens with i usually have mixed feelings about them or i have a certin feeling but deep deep down i fell like its wrong.
so maybe its not that i al of a sudden hate them maybe i am just trying to push them away well i am gone so its easier. maybe thats how i actually feel about how i am treating them. maybe its not fair how i am with them and i know so when i am not actually in there face i am trying to give them a way out..
or maybe.
I am just pushing them away like usual. seeing if they can deal with me.
….
Just thought i would argue all the sides so that everyone knows there is different possibilities.
god i hope its the first one.
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