Im just scared.

Hello, my name is Diana and this is my testament of how broken i am.
I have now added another thing to my list of things that scare me, along with aliens and ladders i now have an uncontrollable fear of guys who have feelings for me. 
I am so unbelievably scared to have anyone like me purely because Im not sure if i will be able to like them back. I have seen guys do things for the fear of losing me, and i have seen guys do things to try and get me when i was never theirs. I know how much i can affect them. shatter them with one wrong word. 
I catch myself pulling away from a lingering kiss, I make sure there is no future for us before i even let them near me. 
I continuously tell them not to have feelings for me and I make sure i mean nothing to them. and thats the way i like it because they mean nothing to me.. at least not lately. because when i used to let myself feel for them all i felt was guilt because its my fault i couldn't even give them myself. i couldn't even make them feel loved. 
and what ends up happening is they cut me out and i too am alone..