Thursday, April 16, 2015

They are coming.

I lay, afraid. 
am i wishing you would have stayed?
I crawl into the corner because i know they are coming. 
they are coming to get me. 
i will never escape this room. 
i am not how i seem to be.
they are coming. 
they are running full speed.
they are coming to finish the deed.
they are coming. 
they are coming to take away my sanity.
they are coming to take everything i can be.
they are coming to torture me.
to rape me, stab me, beat me, destroy me. 
they are coming to my secret room. 
i know. i see as they loom.
They are waiting. 
waiting for the slightest bit of down time, the first sign of feelings from me to surface. 
they were lurking. 
and you did this. You woke them up. You fucking beat in the door. 
you released them. 
and now they are coming. They are coming. They are coming.
there is only the amount of time until they arrive. 
so I lay, Afraid. Afraid for my life.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Its not the same.

The first time it happened. It hurt.. worse in some ways.. 
But i was alive enough to write. Now no letters strung together in any way that I could try to compose  will shed any light on what is happening to me. So I remain. alone in the dark. and that is what is not the same. 

Friday, January 30, 2015

I'm sorry..

Im sorry that every time i speak it comes out wrong!
I'm sorry if i offended you
I'm sorry that i can't be happy
I'm sorry i give advice that i can't follow
I'm sorry I'm a hypocrite 
I'm sorry I'm worthless
Im so sorry
I'm sorry that everything scares me
I'm sorry that i won't lose weight 
I'm sorry that if i do i think that i will just break
I'm sorry I'm so fragile
I'm sorry that no matter what you can't see my pain
I'm sorry that i won't let you help
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry that every sound makes me jump
I'm sorry I'm useless 
I'm sorry i get so dependent
I'm sorry that i can never get my shit together 
I'm sorry i act like i know everything
I'm sorry you are with me
I'm sorry my hair isn't the right length and my face will never be smooth
I'm sorry I'm ugly
I'm sorry I'm not motivated 
I'm sorry I'm too scared to try
I'm sorry for being sad
I'm sorry I'm hopeless
I'm sorry I'm weak
im so sorry.. please. just don't leave. 
please don't leave me alone again.
i don't want to be alone again.
please. I'm sorry... please