wow, I look at all my old posts ( which is not many ) on this and I seem like a girl with such life and hope but i realize that I was in my darkest place when i was righting though's.
it makes me think. "was i really in a dark place or is that what i am in now?" the life i live is so different then the one i think I live. maybe Hawaii was good, even better for me then Utah is. maybe its just my school that i just can't handle. Maybe its who is in my life.
all my flavor for life is gone. I don't do anything. not a thing. I'm too young to just leave and go travel. I'm to old to just not deal and get bad grades and not try… Teenage years.. they are the devil.
I miss the sun. I miss the care free lifestyle. I miss hawaii and I miss who i used to be.
I really have no drive, no week that goes by that is just light and fluffy, no day where I really feel Great.
I am making decisions that my conscious mind is SCREAMING at me to stop! I am not myself. and I honestly think that there is no going back. I can't have my life this boring and so patterned! i need flavor, i need spontaneous decisions that aren't bad!
I need the sun, and the worth back in my life.
